Murphy's Date

Murphy was a lad of fifteen years
One Friday night he put aside his fears
And asked his love Kate
If she’d go out on a date
At the brand-new fairground built by the piers.

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Kate was excited and said, “Of course I will go
We’ll get on all the rides whether they’re fast or slow
It’ll be such a blast
Let’s make it really last
and stay until the fireworks show.”

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So at six o’clock Murphy stood by the gates
Glad he bought a ticket before the hike on the rates
Then Kate came in a dress
That really did impress
And looked more expensive than gold China plates.

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But when Murphy held out his ticket to pay
A strong gust of wind blew his way
And swept away the ticket
To a bird who then bit it
Quickly taking it far far away.

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Murphy felt bad as he paid a ticket again
That meant only nine gifts he could buy instead of ten
But Kate said, “That’s okay
Let’s just go on our way
and forget about what had happened just then.”

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First, they went to a spinning cup ride
The only cup available was on the far side
But the seats were so sticky
It felt super icky
By the time they found out, the cups began to glide.

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When the ride was over, Murphy said, “I’m sorry about your dress
I really hope the seats didn’t make it look like a mess.”
“Don’t worry,” said Kate
“That won’t ruin our date
How about just to be safe we ride the kiddy rides less?”

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They came across a photo booth and went inside
It was just the right thing to boost their pride
But the camera was so abrupt
As it flashed, Murphy hiccupped
And when the photo came out, he wished he could hide.

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Soon, Kate won the ring toss and earned a stuffed bear
Then said, “Murphy, why not try that game there?
Maybe what you need now
is to win a game somehow
and then you’ll be feeling lighter than air.”

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Murphy went to the high striker since he thought he was strong
He raised the hammer and swung, thinking he was King Kong
But then he heard a rip!
Which came from below his hip
And hoped the tear in the back of his pants wasn’t too long.

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“Help!” squeaked Murphy, who felt cold air down below
He heard people laughing, some of them saying, “Whoa!”
Dashing forward Kate made haste
And tied her bear around his waist
Then said, “Let’s buy new jeans before other folks see your little show.”

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They went into a gift shop, with Murphy still looking red
After buying new jeans, when they tried to leave, the clerk said,
“Hey, pay for that thing there!”
And pointed at Murphy’s bear
Then at a rack selling bears, each with the same body and head.

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Murphy’s wallet was nearly empty, but not as empty as his heart
Still, he had enough to share with Kate a nice cherry tart
They were near a rollercoaster
And Murphy felt hot as a toaster
For he was mad and wondered when fun for him would really start.

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Their table in the food court shivered as a rollercoaster train zoomed by
Goopy vomit splattered on Murphy from the train, way up high
“Why am I still surprised
and haven’t yet realized
that things could still get worse?” asked Murphy with a sigh.

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After washing up, they decided to try a high swinging ride
So they wouldn’t get barfed on, even if someone really tried
But three minutes in
And a seagull hit Murphy’s chin
Sending him coughing out feathers that flew far and wide.

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As they walked on the boardwalk, Kate noticed the Ferris wheel
That was lit up in bright colors of red, orange, and teal
Kate said, “Follow me
I know just the place to be
Riding something slow and relaxing really does appeal.”

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So they got on the Ferris wheel, in a cab that had a roof
At least that meant the ride was barf and seagull proof
And the seats weren’t sticky
Nor the ride was rickety
Murphy thought, “Has my misfortune finally gone in a poof?”
He squeezed Kate’s hand as he admired the grand view
Kate smiled and said, “I knew this ride was right for you.”
“Right for us,” Murphy said
And felt hot all over his head
He wanted the ride to last longer, by an hour or two.
Then a faint buzzing sound came from Murphy’s feet
It was a hiding grasshopper who flew onto the seat!
Murphy jumped and screamed
As well as Kate though it seemed
That maybe the grasshopper was just looking for heat.
Murphy and Kate huddled in a corner and dared not to speak
Then the grasshopper flew towards them, not looking so very meek
They scrambled to the side
And for the rest of the ride
The grasshopper kept chasing them like some crazy freak.

Once they were far from the Ferris wheel on the boardwalk
Kate asked, “Still want to see the fireworks by the dock?”
Murphy wasn’t sure
How much he could endure
But noticed the Tunnel of Love, and then started to talk.

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“How about one more ride?” Murphy asked with a glum smile
“Surely something will go right than it has been for a while.”
“I believe in you,” said Kate
“It’s bound to happen at any rate.”
So they went to the river of romance that was long as half a mile.

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Before they got on the boat, they checked if there was a sticky seat
Plus if there were any bugs hiding near their feet
There wasn’t a bird in sight
And the place felt just right
Though all over Murphy felt nervous with heat.

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Soon, they were alone, cruising smoothly in their boat
Murphy gripped the sides, trying to keep the boat afloat
And Kate could see
Though Murphy tried to feel free
The Tunnel of Love still wasn’t their misfortune’s antidote.
There was a jarring sound and the boat slowed to a stop
Then the intercom overhead crackled with a pop
“Sorry for the delay
Please be patient if you may
It appears our power supply took a big drop.”

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“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!” Murphy finally broke down
He slumped in his seat with an exasperated frown
“I hate this ridiculous fair
at this point I don’t really care
things are just going wrong for us all around.”

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Kate looked at Murphy carefully, then scooted closer to him and said,
“You know, even if things are still bad for us ahead
What’s important is between us
And it’s you I really trust
to guide us through tough times keeping a high head.”

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Murphy was confused and said, “But I lost my cool.
And I acted like a great big crazy lame fool.
Our date’s just been going downhill from the start
No manner how many times I tried to do my part.
I had to get a ticket twice
Rode the cups and paid the price
Made our photo not very nice
Had to buy new jeans to wear
And paid extra for your bear
Was in the middle of a throw-up fest
Stuffed my face in a bird’s chest
Then in the Ferris wheel... well, you know the rest.”

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Kate replied, “But all that time, I know you tried to make me happy
I mean, I know right now I’m being a little sappy
But you kept thinking of me
Instead of wherever you’d rather be
Honestly, it should’ve been me as the one getting yappy.”

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Murphy chuckled. “It’s a date. I’m not supposed to say no,”
His eyes widened. “Uh oh, we’ll miss the fireworks show!”
“Maybe not,” said Kate
“Who said we had to wait?”
And then leapt overboard, making Murphy’s jaw drop low.

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With big eyes Murphy squawked, “But what about your dress?”
Soaked, Kate laughed, “Oh, who cares if it’s a mess?
It’s the fireworks I want to see
You’re more than welcome to join me
How crazy we look, I could really care less.”

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With a grin, Murphy jumped off and swam next to Kate
They breezed through the tunnel, hoping they weren’t late
Soon it was the night sky they saw
And people watched them with awe
They were two ordinary lovers on your average typical date.

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When they got to the dock, colors illuminated the sea
From the exploding fireworks that looked beautiful as could be
Kate watched Murphy slowly smile, and took his hand
Then on tippy-toes as high as she could stand
Planted a tender kiss on his left cheek
And made Murphy feel quite fuzzy and weak
Then came the screech of a bird overhead
Murphy looked up suddenly filled with dread
But the bird flew away, dropping something that fluttered down
And Murphy grabbed the mysterious something, safe and sound
It was a familiar piece of paper, and laughing he said to Kate,
“Should we come back here again on our next date?”